Writing a proposal email to
“Gordon Gluck, Corporate Director, Product R&D [email: ggluckl4lsim]: the tech-minded learning creatives in R&D built the platform, so know better than anyone how it works now, and what new features are coming (product announcements always add a “wow” factor!), but don’t necessarily like talking directly to users. Users want to meet them, but how to get them involved is the big question.”
When you are asking others for information, you want to include enough instruction to get what you need when you need it. Frame your request ineffectively, and you can waste valuable time in followup clarifications or risk not getting a useful or timely response.
For this assignment, you will choose one of prompts provided and develop an appropriate request for it. Your goal is to get back a recommendation report (approx. 2-3 pages) that will help you identify the best options to include in your proposal. Each member of your department must choose a different prompt so that all the prompts get covered and there is no wasteful duplication of effort. You will have an opportunity to draft, discuss, and revise your assignment using the peer review workshop.
In a real business environment, you can’t count on someone giving you explicit and detailed directions on exactly what you are supposed to say and how you are supposed to say it. You need to be able to think critically about the rhetorical situation and make appropriate choices yourself. These assignments require you to analyze the rhetorical context and choose the appropriate language, tone, format, and content to suit your purpose and audience. Use your prewriting worksheet, and explain your choices to your manager in the submission memo.
My initial Writing
From: my email
October 1, 2018
Gordon Gluck, Corporate Director, Product R&D
100 Ross Hall Blvd. Waterloo, ON N2J 3Q3
Dear Mr. Gordon,
My name is Kim, an intern in the User Experience department.
Currently, I am in a part of preparing a proposal for this year’s User Conference.
I am writing this email to request any recommendations on the Products and Services side. Since our company has radically redesigned and expanded our product platform, I think it would be great if we can provide hands-on experience and detailed information about the platform to our partners and users.
Our team is hoping to host a technician from your team to speak in front of guests and partners in the conference to explain and provide details of our programs and products.
Please provide any recommendations that would be appropriate or feel free to direct me if I need to collaborate with someone else in your team.
Intern, User Experience
Firstly, I would like to appreciate how it is put that we have expanded our platform and it helpful to give out information through the user conference. However, I do suggest that you expand and elaborate on this point in the last bit of your proposal as well to reiterate the importance of the User conference for our firm.
I would suggest that you start editing your proposal by adding an executive summary, which will basically sketch out your goal to get the attention of the director and take your request seriously. Try to make the project sound exciting and state the advantages of holding the conference and its importance to our company. Also, in the first line, change the “intern”, we do not count as interns. We are considered employees.
Another thing I would like to prose for you to change is describe in detail exactly what you need from R&D. If you not clear and conciseness with hem, we not get the significant information we need and that may be the reason for our User conference to fall apart.
Lastly, I also believe that your closing statement, “Please provide any recommendations that would be appropriate or feel free to direct me if I need to collaborate with someone else in your team,” will provoke the director to pass on the request and not take the matter urgently or even understand its need to benefit our company for that matter.
You were able to properly identify yourself to the audience, and your role within the company. Although you were able to communicate this information, your request is vague. An executive may not always have the time to read between the lines, or look further into your project. Thus, it is beneficial to clearly state what information you are looking for, and what action you require the audience to take/prepare for.
Providing more details regarding the convention, and what your role is within the company will provide the audience with a proper background o make these connections. Being clear with who you need this information from will be helpful. Executives tend to pass on smaller tasks to others, but if you need their expert option be sure to state that within the email.
You are off the a great start!
I like how you got to the point of the email quickly and clearly stated what you required from the product director. However, I agree with the comments above on elaborating more on what the user conference is and why it is so important.
Another thing I found you could add was providing a specific deadline you want them to contact you back on as well as a preferred mode of contact. Tell the director you need a response by a certain day and time. This will increase efficiency by allowing the event to run as smoothly as possible and prevent constant badgering to the director if he does not reply back in your desired time frame.
Other than that it was well done!
The writing you produce in the course should demonstrate the characteristics outlined below. All of these characteristics are essential, but as marking criteria they are presented here roughly in order of significance. See your textbook (particularly Chapters 4-6) for detailed information on these characteristics.
The document accomplishes its purpose.
Everything in the document serves to accomplish its assigned purpose, and it is clear to the audience why they’re reading the message and what they should understand or do.
The content is relevant, complete, and clear.
· All necessary information is present.
· The information is correct and credible.
· Irrelevant information is minimized.
· The document’s organization and writing effectively present the information.
The document is rhetorically effective.
· The document is persuasive, motivating the audience to read the text, accept its information, and act on it.
· The document produces a positive image of the writer and the company.
· The document is and appears to be ethically and legally sound.
The document is adapted to its audience.
· Demonstrates a “You” attitude.
· Uses an appropriate tone.
· Follows business etiquette.
· Takes into account cultural considerations.
· Accommodates multiple audiences if necessary.
· Meets the needs of internal versus external audiences, or receptive versus hostile audiences.
The document is professionally produced.
· Demonstrates a high quality of writing.
· Uses an appropriate communication medium.
· Uses clear and effective formatting.
· Uses graphic elements effectively.