I’m planning on becoming a nurse and so I brainstormed different changes I know about in
healthcare. I thought of different changes like the increase in heart disease for women, the
increase in obesity for children, and technological changes in healthcare. What I chose, though,
is the increase in opioid addictions. I’ve seen family members with this addiction but I also know
that it’s an issue that’s been in the news a lot and that it has reached a crisis point. We definitely
need to solve this issue before it is too late.
This unit’s reading says to limit the topic with a research question and then answer that question
to create a thesis. The assignment says to focus on either cause or effect, so I think I want to
answer the question, what has caused the opioid addiction increase in the US? My thesis is Many
things have caused the opioid addiction increase.
Here’s my outline:
I. Thesis: many things have caused the opioid addiction increase
II. Body paragraph 1: the pharmaceutical industry has pushed opioids, and doctors have
been over prescribing them
III. Body paragraph 2: There’s a cheap black market out there that makes these pills even
more available, so more people are getting addicted
IV. Body paragraph 3: To solve this problem, we need to make it harder for people to get
these pills and crack down on doctors who over prescribe.
My question is: is my thesis specific enough and does the outline stay focused on the topic,
because I have always had trouble with keeping myself on topic when I write?
RESPONSE TO INITIAL POST
Hi, Kellen, I think you have picked a really good topic. It’s clearly a change, which is what the
assignment requires, and by limiting the paper to what caused the change, you should have a
really good draft. I do think your thesis could be stronger, though. From what I read in this
Unit’s reading, you want your thesis to be specific, so maybe consider telling us in your thesis
caused the change, rather than saying “Many things” caused it. I also think that your outline
Commented [JV1]: Notice that this post identifies a clear topic appropriate to the academic essay assignment. While the thesis and outline still need work, it’s a really good first attempt at getting ideas down on the page!
Commented [JV2]: Makayla’s respond to Kellen addresses Kellen’s question and offers specific suggestions for improving the thesis and outline, making it constructive and helpful.
starts off great, because it is about causes, which is what you promise to focus on in your thesis,
but do you think that the idea in body paragraph 3 about solving the problem gets off focus? I
would take this point out, since it is your own argument for solving the problem. Could you
instead replace this point with another reason for the increase in the opioid addiction crisis?
What do you think is another reason this has happened?
Hope this helps!